wake.
The information I recieved tonight will never sink in. I will always choose to believe youre just a state away, and that the reason you don’t call and I never hear of you is because you still hate me, cos Fuck, that could possibly be true. When I Hung up the phone it felt like an earth quake. The kind you don’t get over ever in your life. And as your pictures fell from behind the posters I hid you so well beneath, I wondered selfishly, did you think about me? Or did you really erase me from your life? I’ve been angry for so long I can’t remember why I didn’t make amends in the past. You’re face has started showing up in my coffee, in the patterns of text on a page, on the smudges and the smears against my window, in the trails left behind from the rain. When all is said and done I am still broken, but I’m trying to reglue myself the same. It’s hard when something heavy comes down on a head as fragile as glass. You were in every line I wrote for years and now its done, just like that. And just like that, the source of every dream I would continue to replay, is just your ghost playing with my head. I couldn’t go near the viewing, my last glimpse of your body was alive. In a coffee shop with disdane flowing in your eyes, and we said nothing. Not even goodbye (I hate you). And because I’m pathetic, I slept in your clothes and cried. My body started shaking something awful, I punched a wall and broke my fist. With blood dripping down I covered my eyes and wailed. But not for me. No not for me. I rose from my bed and walked out to the street, cigarette between my lips, and I thought of all the nights we had spent there on my driveway, and how they would forever be myths. I mean its not like I see you ever, or saw you, to be exact. But honestly, I never did lose hope that one day you’d be back, to have just one more smoke and with that thought I collapsed. I never did lose sight of what you taught me, to keep my eyes as open as my heart. The gentlest of lambs can have teeth just like knives. if you let them they can kill you with just one bite. That didn’t stop me from trying to love what was inside of you. I want to get better, here’s hoping, I do.
